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I just want to thank the man above *points to space* , my mommy, my family and my crew *right fist to my heart* for their love and support through the whole nine months (41 weeks) I was busy with this project. This would have been a much more grueling time without y’all, I mean it was crazy but we somehow made it y’all.

I Thank You!!!!!

No, I didn’t win a Grammy, this is would’ve, should’ve have been my acceptance speech as the nurse handed me my newborn baby but I was too busy recovering from some mind blowing pain to come up with something  clever like that at the time. The one thing, actually two sentences my brain kept churning out was f@#%&!!!! (insert popular profanity ) and I was never ready, Google had failed me. In that moment I realised that nine months of research and preparation had done absolutely nothing to prepare me for the agony that came with the transition of playing a mothering role to becoming a biological mommy! You think playing house, doing things that a mother does would prepare you for a time like this, it doesn’t. Until then, I had been a mother of many and Mommy to none.But, when they handed me my little wrinkled bundle I was overcome with emotions. No, before the emotions it was more like, ‘Geez, God is truly amazing. How did he make me that my oven door can churn out such a big bun (his head was big the scan hadn’t lied.)’ Then it was like my whole being was awash with a wave of exhaustion and immediately after, love. So much love that on hindsight I realise was overwhelming to be frank. In that moment, the wild cravings and gut wrenching searing pain was forgiven and forgotten. Oh look he had made a true christian out of me for those few minutes!

Integrating my little bundle into the world wasn’t just a different ball game, more like a whole new league.Post child birth , I imagined I understood what the book of Leviticus 12 spoke about in terms of cleansing.  Google had said that I would be exhausted, it had failed to articulate just how much.I was never ready! Enter friends and family;one does need them. Lesson; rest, rest and allow your body to heal in time. Your life is a mosaic of sleep, eat; more like drink and nappy changing. What you don’t however realise is that with the arrival of  baby comes everyone’s PhD in parenting. If you are lucky they won’t shove their rather dry bulky info packs down your throat making you feel inadequate. If you are luckier they will impart their expertise in small but generous doses laced with drops of understanding and empathy.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres- 1 Cor 13: 4-7

 Everyday is a new experience with my little one. We are learning a little about each other ,more like I’m getting into formation, learning what he likes, he is the man in this relationship I have realised. As the days go by I am learning the answer to what Tina Turner was asking. Love has everything to do with it. God loved me enough to bless me with mine own little angel. He trusted me to nurture His beloved and raise a good man for society. And I have to trust that He has equipped me and will guide me on this quest. To come to the realisation that every move I make  on this  checkerboard of my life is largely influenced by the love I feel for my little human. No one can explicitly articulate this kind of love not even Google; it’s a journey. An experience. In loving my son, I have come to love the Lord more and to love myself.

         I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.