So, you have been hurt one way or the other by loved ones which has subsequently left you almost paralysed when it comes to trusting someone enough to let them into your heart. Well, take a number and kindly walk to the back of the line. Whilst having your heart shattered into tiny bits, your ego bruised and your emotions frazzled is no laughing matter, it’s also part of growing. If you didn’t know, hurt facilitates growth in the area of pain. Much like a raging fire in the veld makes way for new plant life, if your heart was hurt in the past as it rehabilitates, it is strengthened against future similar hurts. Of course being hurt one way or the other is no walk around the park, it can however be a chance to assess and reassess the main qualities that attract you to another individual. A deserving one. Priorities change as one grows older. At some point in your adult life vanity has to fall back and allow for a more mature set of basic criteria for choosing a partner. What? So it’s ok to have an extremely attractive lover who has a pea for a brain and then cry over them when they make some pea-brain inspired decisions that hurt your feelings. What attracted you to the previous person might not exactly rank at the top of your list of desirable attributes. In which case it is definitely time to rethink your checklist of desirable attributes in a prospective partner.
What you are looking for,
Because we are all human and therefore all flawed, you need to align your expectations with the real world. No frog is going to jump out of a book and turn into a handsome chiselled god with a cove of treasure somewhere, have all that and a bag of cheese and not have baggage. Just because you don’t see the baggage they are carrying doesn’t mean that there is an absence of it. The fact that you don’t see it can be as a result of two things.
One being that they have and are dealing with their stuff so well that they have struck a healthy balance whereby they are able to live and carry on through it all. And I say going through their stuff because some things in life are not meant to be circumvented. You can’t go through life going round all troubles, it’s imperative that we learn sooner rather than later that some things we are actually meant to go through. Because it is only when we go through troubles that we come out on the other side better people .Beautiful better individuals for ourselves foremost and then for others.
Or two, they are just hiding their crap well, in which case, RUN. Failure to deal with one’s own issues results in them not being able to cope with the issues that will come when two people decide to engage romantically. Which in turn suggests a lack of honesty with themselves. Poof! There goes HONESTY out the window. And you must know by now that with honesty gone, INTEGRITY, pretty much hits the road as well. If a person is going to hide stuff from the partner, it defeats the whole purpose of a partnership. Because that’s what it is, a relationship is a partnership. If a person has a tendency to sweep important issues like their past hurts and disappointments under the proverbial rug, how the heck is their partner going to know them intimately. INTIMACY, is knowing your person well enough to experience the world through the eye of their emotions. Intimacy involves seeing underneath the tidy exterior and peering deep into the fog of their ubiquitous thoughts and feelings. Intimacy involves delving deep into the depths of your partner’s soul to retrieve them in those times they would have retreated deep into themselves. And so, if a prospective lover does not show you the way by being open with their baggage right from the start, you will forever be getting lost in the maze that is their being.
You are beautiful