Mother of Many, Mommy to none!

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I just want to thank the man above *points to space* , my mommy, my family and my crew *right fist to my heart* for their love and support through the whole nine months (41 weeks) I was busy with this project. This would have been a much more grueling time without y’all, I mean it was crazy but we somehow made it y’all.

I Thank You!!!!!

No, I didn’t win a Grammy, this is would’ve, should’ve have been my acceptance speech as the nurse handed me my newborn baby but I was too busy recovering from some mind blowing pain to come up with something  clever like that at the time. The one thing, actually two sentences my brain kept churning out was f@#%&!!!! (insert popular profanity ) and I was never ready, Google had failed me. In that moment I realised that nine months of research and preparation had done absolutely nothing to prepare me for the agony that came with the transition of playing a mothering role to becoming a biological mommy! You think playing house, doing things that a mother does would prepare you for a time like this, it doesn’t. Until then, I had been a mother of many and Mommy to none.But, when they handed me my little wrinkled bundle I was overcome with emotions. No, before the emotions it was more like, ‘Geez, God is truly amazing. How did he make me that my oven door can churn out such a big bun (his head was big the scan hadn’t lied.)’ Then it was like my whole being was awash with a wave of exhaustion and immediately after, love. So much love that on hindsight I realise was overwhelming to be frank. In that moment, the wild cravings and gut wrenching searing pain was forgiven and forgotten. Oh look he had made a true christian out of me for those few minutes!

Integrating my little bundle into the world wasn’t just a different ball game, more like a whole new league.Post child birth , I imagined I understood what the book of Leviticus 12 spoke about in terms of cleansing.  Google had said that I would be exhausted, it had failed to articulate just how much.I was never ready! Enter friends and family;one does need them. Lesson; rest, rest and allow your body to heal in time. Your life is a mosaic of sleep, eat; more like drink and nappy changing. What you don’t however realise is that with the arrival of  baby comes everyone’s PhD in parenting. If you are lucky they won’t shove their rather dry bulky info packs down your throat making you feel inadequate. If you are luckier they will impart their expertise in small but generous doses laced with drops of understanding and empathy.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres- 1 Cor 13: 4-7

 Everyday is a new experience with my little one. We are learning a little about each other ,more like I’m getting into formation, learning what he likes, he is the man in this relationship I have realised. As the days go by I am learning the answer to what Tina Turner was asking. Love has everything to do with it. God loved me enough to bless me with mine own little angel. He trusted me to nurture His beloved and raise a good man for society. And I have to trust that He has equipped me and will guide me on this quest. To come to the realisation that every move I make  on this  checkerboard of my life is largely influenced by the love I feel for my little human. No one can explicitly articulate this kind of love not even Google; it’s a journey. An experience. In loving my son, I have come to love the Lord more and to love myself.

         I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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Bonne Annee!!!!!!

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It’s only but a few moments until we enter the new year. Though this year has been tough , in some aspects it has been good. I lost some only to find or rediscover some others. Where I thought I had lost I shifted perception to find that i had in some way or other gained.

me

We are hard pressed on every side , but not crushed;perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed

For some others, the year has been unbearable, suffocating and difficult. But mind you, like all things you only fully appreciate the intensity of the stress when you reach the other side or when you find a place to recapture your breathe in between the struggles . This means the worst is over or you are keeping your head above the water, this is good.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day

As we journey on through 2016, we will intensify our efforts and fortify our resolve to achieve and conquer where we failed to in 2015 or where we set out to conquer in the year.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. 2Corin 4

We shall go about our ways diligently seeing the end result of our toils in our mind’s eyes.Keeping our eyes on the prize accepting that sometimes we are the only ones that can see the prize. Going forth in faith and in deliberate and confident strides knowing that even when we seem not to be getting anywhere the only way to go is forward. And if you are rock bottom,the only way to go is up. In 2016 remember that to wholly love others one has to fully love oneself. Work hard. Laugh harder. Be kind to yourself and live don’t just exist!

 

Christmas Things,

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christmas table.jpgSo, it’s the day after Christmas and I feel Great. For the first time in the history of Christmas I woke up feeling rested despite going to bed really late plus there is only a tinge of bloatedness, basically I feel really good and ready to start the day.Christmas for a lot of us means a time to eat , drink and make merry. Loosely translated in the nowadays English this all means Christmas is a time to overspend on things we do not need to impress others mostly and to get motherless drunk without a care about tomorrow, or next year.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, ,,,,,”

Going back to my basics, I have figured that Christmas is really a culmination of God’s promise.

“But God demonstrates His love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us .” Romans 5:8

That time God had made up His mind to give up His one son to save all the rest.That time already , at birth He gave us His son to ridicule, stone, humiliate and crucify. Whilst I realize that this is indeed reason to celebrate, we did after all dodge the bullet, I’m realizing more and more that for me Christmas is really more than just getting drunk in the presence of my loved ones from their presents. I do want to enjoy and savour the quality of our time together. Perhaps Christmas should actually be a time for reflection. Reflecting on  our own lives. Who we really want to impress. Who and what we need to be grateful for. What presents are you giving for this child who’s birthday you are celebrating. How do you celebrate the giver of life’s birth by doing the things that could potentially damage or snuff out your life and the lives of others.

Perhaps it’s time to reconsider our behavior around this festive season. To be responsible in all we do ,be it at home or on the road. Consider celebrating in a way that rewards you with good wholesome feelings. Spend time with those without families, invite them to yours. Feed a hungry child. Do good, it’s more for you than for the recipient,. Responsible spending because tomorrow is another day. Responsible alcohol consumption because tomorrow ought to be still another day for you and those around you.God knows I have worked so hard in this year and spent far too little time with my loved ones ,I’m not going to let this time go past without consciously and fully enjoying those around me.  I shall also practice responsible eating because as the saying goes a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips.

Have you not heard?

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A sunny day in heaven or just the end of the earth

A sunny day in heaven or just the end of the earth

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is an everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. 

They will soar on wings like eagles

they will run and not grow weary

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40;28-31

No matter how sturdy and firm the structure is,if the foundation on which it is built is weak the structure will fall apart under stress. This is not saying the structure with a strong foundation will not shake. It shall be shaken but it won’t tumble and fall apart.

In the wake of a death in my family , reeling with shock and writhing in pain and confusion at this sudden loss. It is to my foundation I turn. I find myself digging furiously to find solace in the roots of my faith. A faith that was borne out of the love of a grandmother that longed to bring and keep me within God’s inner fold. It is beautiful to find that place, my place where I lay all of my pain and anguish. It is at the foot of the cross where I unburden the guilt and anxieties that try to hold me back from my grace. My place where I trade in all of my ashes for beauty.

It is at this place positioned on my knees that I find the strength to forgive the hurters  (and haters).It is in this kneeling position at the foot of the cross that I forgive myself and learn to love myself and others more. To give of myself in service. To nurture my roots, the foundation of my faith. It is in this position that i get the courage to stand tall and firm knowing fully well that I shall be shaken but refusing to fall apart.

This Girl’s ‘late’ quick guide into 2015

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Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.’  Rabindranath Tagore

This guide has come from a place of deep thoughtfulness. After a great deal of pondering , self searching and a glass of wine. OK, here we go,,

Revolutionary Resolutions!

Until now , I believed that I am by far the worst resolutionary ever in the history of people who make resolutions. Easily sidetracked and swept away by unnecessary hype I am. This time I am doing it right! Doing it right starts with thinking and realising the goals that need to be realised and accomplished in the year and years to come. I have come to grasp that what and how I do in this year will pave way for the years to come.

*Write them down , it makes it hard for you to forget, keeps you accountable. Better yet , share them with someone so that the two of you can keep each other on track.

*Make sure the resolutions are challenging but attainable and realistic. Unrealistic goals drain and leave you feeling depressed and unaccomplished.

*Any and every goal should be yours specifically. You can never get away with imposing another’s goals on your life,,,,, gurrl you is setting yourself up to fail, dismally dare I say.

Madame Minister of Finance

There is no better time to escape the confines of debt like now. It’s time to sit up, take notice and keep track of every dime. Learn the true meaning of need juxtaposed to that of want. Look, I have always refused to be frigid in my budgeting but perhaps it is time to get a better handle on my impulses.

*Try and use cash as much as possible, it keeps you reality checked on how much is really coming out of your coffers.

*Hire-purchase is not your friend, the goods might be in your possession but they are not yours. Save up, it saves you on the interest.

*This tip I got from Suzy Ormon, keep cash on you and every time you buy pay with the notes. Put the coins aside so that at the end of the month take your stash of coins and deposit them into your bank account as your monthly saving.

Keep your loved ones closest

Gone are the days of keeping my enemies closer than my friends , ain’t got no time for nun-o-that. It is high time I hung my scheming and plotting boots and concentrate on the people that make me feel all warm and fuzzy. It is the season to invest in, mend and heal broken relationships.

*Dare to reach out where and when you need to. It is a show of strength!

*When love comes knocking

The world is full of endless possibilities, as vast as the sky

The world is full of endless possibilities, as vast as the sky

, this time I shall not hold back. I am All in, this girl is going for the high stakes

*I’m all about family this year and remember kids,,,,,, blood is the least that makes us family.

YOLO!!!!!!!

I know all the cool kids are appalled right now like, ” OMG!!!! that is so 2014!” Oh well!I said it, now get over it!  It is the perfect time to grab opportunities as they come. God knows the world is full of opportunities if we dare  venture out of our comfort zone every now and again.Because I only live once, I need to take care of this vessel of mine in order to get the most out of it. Taking care and nourishing this body of mine is imperative

*Eat right!!! Oh ,,, and drink lotsa water.

*Exercise, keep in good shape. One never knows when one might need to run for one’s life

*meditate. Take time to heal from hurts , physical and emotional. Pray , dont neglect your soul.

Aside

I am not my hair,,,,,or Am I?

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somedays you just want to end it all and pull it out

somedays you just want to end it all and pull it out

Sometimes I brush my hair and sometimes I don’t. Maybe like the beautiful India Arie , I am not my hair. But maybe like the strong Samson , my hair is where my strength is at. Either way my hair always tells a story brushed or not brushed. In a world where most things are decided for me , either by superiors or by fate, my hair is the one thing I wont leave to chance.
Growing up mama never wanted me to cut my hair so it was left to grow quite long. From when it was just short then being stretched and straightened with a hot stone. After the stone era came the heavy iron comb that had to be placed on hot coals before being used to comb through my poor wild mane. Then when I was a little bit grown I graduated to a relaxing cream. Oh how I always looked forward to the weekend when I’d undo the tight cornrows only to find myself pinned between mama’s thighs on a Sunday night as I had them plaited back in . I grew so attached to this hair that when mama finally decided to hack it all off after I had made her mad , I was nothing short of devastated. For days I walked around as if it had been my head that had been cut off. I think at that time I felt indeed like Samson. Despondent, weak and torn apart. Fast forward a couple of years . I have realised that although I love my hair, it is only hair. It never stops growing until a few minutes after we die. If it’s cut , it’ll still grow back.

And now rather than it being my strength, my hair is my freedom and I let it be my inspiration. The way my hair looks does not say much in the way of what I am like as a person. It is merely an expression of the mood I happen to be in at that particular moment. Moods might change as they will but the person I am will not. If a person liking or accepting me depends on the way my hair looks, then they might miss out on this beautiful personality because of spikes or nappy hair. I colour it , cut it ,bond it with foreign hair sometimes. Anything that makes me happy. I’m sure hair is not meant to define us but rather to bring us all together in the world-wide fight against dandruff and receding hairlines. Also to showcase our individuality and in my case my peculiarity. At the end of the day it’s not about how so and so feel about my particular hairstyle. It’s about how I feel about the style I’m rocking, how much its inspiring my days to be better. After all life is way too short to have boring hair.

you are beautiful

You are beautiful still

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You are beautiful still

It takes you a whole lot more than the next girl to get dressed because you can never find something that sits well on you. Well like how the magazine says it should look. And you are constantly wondering why no one has yet discovered the secret to making clothes that are ideal for your body shape. Here’s to learning that this is a sentiment shared by most females big and small. Filling our bra cups with chicken fillets so we look like a natural DD. Dancing in the mirror. Singing in the shower. Claiming all the hot single rock stars as husbands and boycotting their CDs when they get married. Here’s to shaving off our hair coz it’s the new thing only to wake up the following morning and long Brazilian wave is in. Here’s to veering wildly off our rails just to catch the hot guy’s attention only to realise that the stunt put him off more than turned him on. And then the struggle of finding the right foundation for your skin tone after years of prancing around ghost like. Don’t stress others just learnt to wing it and by so doing look like they’ve mastered the art of self-confidence.
Here’s to that first sip of the good stuff that signified coolness. The light headedness that followed. The sista who held your hair back as you almost hurled your gut out in the dingy toilet stall as the queue grew longer outside. The countless mileage on your walk-of-shameter . Countless on the road Saturday breakfasts in Friday night’s outfit. Here’s to anxiously waiting for that time of the month because you were naughty and the sighs of relief that went with its arrival. Here’s to maintaining a healthy lifestyle by exercising regularly. Countless nights spent dreaming whilst wide awake. Choosing the stairs when you could easily get on the escalator and constructively use the time to scroll down your Facebook. Watching your calories all week because you saving the count for that de-virgined daiquiri come Friday night. Here’s to persevering with the yoga class even when all we’ve mastered is bringing our hands to heart centre for namaste and then catching up with some girlfriends over chocolate cake after class. Catching the cute guy checking you out. And thanks to that guy who breaks a heart because he’s given us an excuse to come together and binge on ice cream and all things nice. And that guy whose love you thought you’d die without. He gone, you here, we see you!

Here’s to cherishing that you are a creator of life. You bear the scars and sport a pouch of belly fat to show for it. Here’s to watching him sleep, who knew this could be fun. Here’s to that first worry line, well no need to worry, we don’t want to encourage more lines. You are beautiful still. You can actually do what you spend the greater part of your life doubting you could. You have been bestowed the responsibility of a little person. To the love that spills over and out. Here’s to giving, giving and giving even when you think there’s nothing left to give. Realising that as you mature your priorities and desires change. That it’s okay to love and let love. That vulnerability isn’t always a weakness, where you are vulnerable is where your strength dwells. Discovering that gravity actually exists, of course you needed confirmation from your breasts. And shame on that bastard who tried his hand at boxing matches with you. Though he broke your nose he strengthened your resolve and courage. Here’s to the day you realised that you can walk away and maintain your dignity. For realising that sometimes it takes much more courage and wisdom to walk away than to stay. And learning that walking away is closing a chapter so that a new one can commence. For love is like a rainbow, it’s always there after the storm. Finding yourself. Coming into your own. Falling in love with you, the girl you are not who they want you to be. Even though you are older you are beautiful still, perhaps a lot more. Learning that you can never truly love another without loving yourself. And can you believe that in that place of self-doubt and regret now resides self-love and hope. Where there was once fear lies courage now. Here’s to learning that there is a fine line between being humble and lacking self-esteem. Realising that being humble keeps you grounded and lacking self-esteem prevents you from soaring. Here’s to accepting that you are different. Acknowledging and accepting that you can only be the best you and that is enough. Here’s to being knocked down countless times and getting back up just as much coz there’s only a few things that you can take lying on your back *wink*.

the frog, a bag of cheese and stuff

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So, you have been hurt one way or the other by loved ones which has subsequently left you almost paralysed when it comes to trusting someone enough to let them into your heart. Well, take a number and kindly walk to the back of the line. Whilst having your heart shattered into tiny bits, your ego bruised and your emotions frazzled is no laughing matter, it’s also part of growing. If you didn’t know, hurt facilitates growth in the area of pain. Much like a raging fire in the veld makes way for new plant life, if your heart was hurt in the past as it rehabilitates, it is strengthened against future similar hurts. Of course being hurt one way or the other is no walk around the park, it can however be a chance to assess and reassess the main qualities that attract you to another individual. A deserving one. Priorities change as one grows older. At some point in your adult life vanity has to fall back and allow for a more mature set of basic criteria for choosing a partner. What? So it’s ok to have an extremely attractive lover who has a pea for a brain and then cry over them when they make some pea-brain inspired decisions that hurt your feelings. What attracted you to the previous person might not exactly rank at the top of your list of desirable attributes. In which case it is definitely time to rethink your checklist of desirable attributes in a prospective partner.
What you are looking for,
Because we are all human and therefore all flawed, you need to align your expectations with the real world. No frog is going to jump out of a book and turn into a handsome chiselled god with a cove of treasure somewhere, have all that and a bag of cheese and not have baggage. Just because you don’t see the baggage they are carrying doesn’t mean that there is an absence of it. The fact that you don’t see it can be as a result of two things.
One being that they have and are dealing with their stuff so well that they have struck a healthy balance whereby they are able to live and carry on through it all. And I say going through their stuff because some things in life are not meant to be circumvented. You can’t go through life going round all troubles, it’s imperative that we learn sooner rather than later that some things we are actually meant to go through. Because it is only when we go through troubles that we come out on the other side better people .Beautiful better individuals for ourselves foremost and then for others.
Or two, they are just hiding their crap well, in which case, RUN. Failure to deal with one’s own issues results in them not being able to cope with the issues that will come when two people decide to engage romantically. Which in turn suggests a lack of honesty with themselves. Poof! There goes HONESTY out the window. And you must know by now that with honesty gone, INTEGRITY, pretty much hits the road as well. If a person is going to hide stuff from the partner, it defeats the whole purpose of a partnership. Because that’s what it is, a relationship is a partnership. If a person has a tendency to sweep important issues like their past hurts and disappointments under the proverbial rug, how the heck is their partner going to know them intimately. INTIMACY, is knowing your person well enough to experience the world through the eye of their emotions. Intimacy involves seeing underneath the tidy exterior and peering deep into the fog of their ubiquitous thoughts and feelings. Intimacy involves delving deep into the depths of your partner’s soul to retrieve them in those times they would have retreated deep into themselves. And so, if a prospective lover does not show you the way by being open with their baggage right from the start, you will forever be getting lost in the maze that is their being.

You are beautiful

Nick of Time

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Oh shoot! Another long queue by the train station ticket counter. Nick cliques his tongue in annoyance at the long winding line of weary commuters making their way home or where ever. Nick wipes his brow with the fancy pretty handkerchief that his grandma sent him for his birthday. Grandma Pat. She was a shrewd one that. With her melodramatic way of explaining life’s problems away. Shrewd with a pinch of insanity and a chance of dementia. Somewhere a baby breaks into a loud siren like sounding wail which brings him back to reality and he makes it back just in time to catch the annoyed look he’s getting from the ticket clerk who’s waiting to serve him.
Nicholas reckons that he is somewhat of a job interview veteran. In fact , he has a sneaky suspicion that the reason why the recruiters always greet him by name is because they all know him . He has applied to so many adverts that every recruiter around town knows his contact details by heart. He also reckons he is an accomplished job search celebrity.
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Another stack of CVs is dropped with a rather loud thud onto her desk right in front of her. This is getting rather ridiculous now. With thousands of people in this country looking for jobs , one would think it would be fairly painless to get someone with the right qualities for the job . The last guy she had thought was a good option turned out to be a liar and a cheat. He had written down his girlfriend’s number as his reference. It didn’t help him that he had been caught sleeping with his girlfriend’s sister just about the time his reference was about to get checked. Vanessa, the would be ex girlfriend spilled her gut together with the proverbial beans to the potential employer. Oh dear Lord! Well i suppose this was God coming through for her after she had made a point of asking for His help. So, with a weary heart, a tinge of faith and a sprinkle of hope, Terry buckles down and attacks the pile of CVs with renewed vigour.
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Another Monday. Another interview. Oh well, better get on with it then. Over the past few days Nick had decided that it was time to take his faith for a test drive and trust God with all his issues. And God had better be ready because Nick believed he had more issues than the longest running local tabloid. And so, our Nick got busy with his preparations.
Meanwhile…
Another Monday. Two interviews . Terry had finally put her faith to the test and asked and trusted God to lead her through the CV stack. The result had been 1, well 2. One CV she had felt absolutely led and well the second one she had used her reasoning , good school, good address etc. They were both good candidates hence she was meeting both of them today.
Well hello Monday, time to Giddyup!
Terry got comfortable as she took a seat in one of the visitors’ chairs in the reception. She felt this was the only way she could truly see how the candidates were when the boss was not watching. This was also another way of determining the value they put on punctuality. Time was one of her to priorities. That and respect. How people managed their time. If they kept time at all. At 9:45 the one candidate arrived , checked in at reception and she recognised the name as that of the candidate she had chosen for herself. She felt proud. She had chosen well. He looked distinguished. And so he took the seat right next to hers and promptly asked if she was here for the same interview to which she replied yes. At 9:55 the second one arrived looking slightly flustered and checked in with the receptionist. He greeted everyone and found a seat. Terry listened with amusement as Mr Distinguished proceeded to interrogate 9:55 in a rather condescending tone.
By 10am , Terry had her mind made up. She had her man. As earlier instructed, the receptionist called out Miss Terry Mol and said out directions to the boss’s office. As Terry walked past, she thought she heard a lascivious remark from Mr Distinguished , she wasn’t sure until she looked back and to her dismay he winked at her. She was still reeling from that incident when she met Pat the tea lady in the passage. Terry wanted to get on with the interviews but couldn’t help noticing that Pat was not her usual cheery self. Terry cared for Pat so much that she couldn’t bring herself to walk past without finding out what the problem was. Pat explained how she had been tackled and then almost robbed round the corner from the office . And how a distinguished looking young man had scolded her for grabbing at his pants as she had tried to get his attention. But also praised God for the life of the young man who had run after the thief , tackled and retrieved her purse. The young man had come back and helped her up before running off to his interview. Terry saw to Pat, gave her the day off and proceeded to her office.
For Nick , this had been quite the busy morning. When she had seen the plight of that old lady, he couldn’t very well walk away from that. He had imagined it had been his grandma and that had settled it. He was determined to make things right for the woman and so he had run after the ‘perp’ . Perp is what they call the bad guys on CSI. On his way back from retrieving the lady’s purse, he had seen the guy brushing off the dust from his trousers where the old lady had grabbed hold of him. What a jerk! He had been taken aback when he saw that the guy was coming for the same interview. To top it off , that jerk was making the move on that pretty lady who went in first. Oh well, today he wasn’t worrying about nothing.” God must worry ,it’s His turn this week.” And has he lifted his head up from the magazine he had been pretending to read, he saw the old lady from earlier. She looked much better than the last time he had seen her. He wondered what she was doing here. At the same time old Pat noticed the young man from earlier and realised that he was here for the job that Terry had told her about. It took her a split second to notice Mr Shameless who was obviously also here for the job. It took all of her restraint not to spin around on her heels to go to Terry. No, she couldn’t bear to be the one to cheat anyone out of a job. Maybe Mr Shameless was having one of those days. God knows we all have them. Instead , she walked over to the helpful young man and offered the only thing she knew she could . Well it had been the only thing she could think of. To some it was nothing and to others , herself included , it was everything. She held his hands and instructed him to close hs eyes but to keep his heart open and proceeded to pray for him. She blessed him and those who had a hand in the kind of man he was and implored God to grant him all that was his portion.
So far so good . Terry had decided to ignore his earlier remarks. She wished she had recorded the expression on his face when he had realised that she was the boss. It had taken him all of a minute to recover from the shock. Everything had been going so well until she asked him about time management. He took his time seriously. And he went on to explain like how that very morning he had been determined to get to the interview early and how an old hag had been groping his leg with her dirty paws. Terry wrapped up the interview and was about to give him the ‘ we’ll call you after a week’ speech but decided to rather offer him the truth. She told him she wasn’t going to call him back because he was disrespectful towards others. His failure to lend a help coupled with the way he had spoken to her earlier had left her with a bad taste in her mouth.
Just as old Pat was wrapping up her prayer, the other young man came past with a pained look on his face. Pat said goodbye and wished Nick well. Nick watched her go and when she reached the main door she turned around and said to him, ” See you tomorrow .” This puzzled Nick , but not for long because he was now convinced that his granny was not the only crazy old lady. His name was finally called. As he walked down the passage he was disappointed that he had missed Miss Mol on her way out. It was all Pat’s fault he reckoned.
To say Terry was hopeless would exactly be true but to say she was hopeful wouldn’t exactly be true. When Nick walked into the office and looked at the boss,he couldn’t help smiling. Miss Mol was the boss! In that very moment Miss Mol realised that this was the guy Pat had spoken about. And he had such an endearing smile too. He had run after a dangerous criminal , helped an old lady he did not know and had still made it in time for his interview. The rest of the interview went well and it felt like he was the one her company had been needing and for him all the other interviews fell away. He realised that all the doors that had been shut in his face had left him available to enter into this open door. God had indeed come through for the both of them.

No, I am not moody!!!! no. Really!

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me-dom

me-dom


There is a special place deep in the pit of my being where I retreat to in times of prolonged intense discomfort. Stripped of all emotion and baggage of worldly possession including family. It is a place called Medom. A place of absolute solace and freedom in my me-ness. My individuality.

It is imperative that I constantly centre myself by visiting this place. For what good am I as a friend, as a lover or as a relation if I have forgotten to be good to me. The real me, not the one that I potray to be accepted in my numerous different circles in society.

As a friend, and such a good friend I have learnt to be. Being there for others whenever they need me ,regardless of the fact that they might not be there for me as much, takes a lot. Holding a hand here and there when I’m needed to. Listening to problems and then shouldering them takes a lot. And those times when what you understand from what I’m saying isn’t what I want you to understand when I’m saying it. Hope you understand. No, I’m definately not moody if i excuse myself from drinks at 5pm, there is a place I have to be. An appointment with my me-ness in Medom.

So, no I’m not moody , the me that you think you know is merely deep within the real me for servicing. It all started when I understood that it’s ok to nurture and look out for my soul every now and again out of the hundred times i tend a gentle hand to all the other souls around me. You see ,I cannot take you with me to medom because that is bringing baggage and responsibility along. If you are with me, then I’m obliged to tend to you as a lover or friend.

No, I ain’t moody at all, I’m just recharging my batteries by switching off to the deafening buzz of a world that won’t notice if I stumble and am subsequently left behind. I am retreating to a place where the air is crisp with honesty. Where the trees are laden with hope. Where the earth is saturated with peace. A place where i can tap and listen to the pulse of positivity coursing through the veins of my existance. A place that is purely my own . A place I truely belong.